


Weekend at Malcolm's

by KPesh123



Series: My Boomin' Memoirs [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Autobiography, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Birthday, Birthday Party, Childhood Friends, Cigarettes, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Drinking, Drugs, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Good Writing, Heavy Drinking, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Memoirs, Mushrooms, Party, Partying, Psychotropic Drugs, References to Drugs, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: This is my first non-fiction piece.  This story talks about the formation of the friend group in Kyle's Boomin' Adventures.  This is also the first story of My Boomin' Memoirs.
Series: My Boomin' Memoirs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905700





	Weekend at Malcolm's

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to My Boomin' Memoirs. All the events in this story are true.

Weekend at Malcolm’s

Friday morning 7:30 a.m. Usually I’d be groggy and depressed because I had to get up incredibly early in order to attend a shitty class with horrible people. This was not the case however. I sprang up and immediately got ready to start my day. 

Why was I in a happier mood? Usually I’d wallow in my self loathing and wait to get drunk with a maximum of four people as they’d mock my utter existence. To answer the question, it was my friend Malcolm’s birthday and he planned to throw a big two day bender at his place. The entire squad had been invited to come over where there was a shit load of alcoholic beverages which were intended to be consumed by the end of the weekend. 

Malcolm and I planned this weekend in advance. Almost on the verge of a mental breakdown, Malcolm’s party was something I was looking forward to weeks in advance. In the beginning of the second semester I planned to go home that weekend just to be a good friend. After bottling my emotions and almost losing it, his party was the only thing on my mind. Malcolm and I facetimed in the lobby of my dorm where we came up with the alcohol list. The list was as follows: 

Hard Drinks: 3 bottles Smirnoff Blueberry Vodka. 

1 bottle Jack Daniels or Honey Jack. 

1 Fireball Party Bucket.

1 bottle Pink Whitney

Light Drinks: 12 pack Budwiser.

24 pack Miller Lite.

24 pack Pabst Blue Ribbon. 

12 pack Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Needless to say we intended on getting destroyed. Malcolm along with some of the other guys planned on smoking weed and eating shrooms. Me being the only one just drinking, I was again one of the designated trip sitters. I knew we were in trouble when one of the trip sitters was going to be absolutely plastered beyond belief. 

“Jesus Christ you’re on crack!” A socialist bitch shouted to me when I showed her the intended alcohol list. Even though I was canceled by the liberal arts community, a small few were genuinely worried about my death. 

The people invited were; me, obviously since I helped plan the party. 

Gianni, who planned on getting crossed and taking shrooms. Mark, someone I originally was not a fan of but had started to grow on me. Jon, he was the other trip sitter who didn’t plan on taking any substances at all. Jay, a kid who I never met in my life. Nick, the kid who prank called this bitch Malcolm and I knew roasting the ever living shit out of her. Finally some Russian girl named Lia who was stopping by since she was one of the plugs. 

My belongings were packed the night before so I could head straight to the train station after class. With an intended high temperature of thirty five degrees, I layered up. Along with the undershirt and basic white thermal that was pressed against my body, I put on my infamous Full Send shirt in honor of such a momentous occasion. Normally the shirt would be hanging above the closet in my dorm, getting mocked at by the social justice liberals that stopped in time and again. I also had my usual black Polar beanie and ray ban sunglasses on as well. I was ready for a fucking party.

History 105 went surprisingly better than I thought. Earlier that week I had an exam. Since the professor didn’t give us the notes in class, we had to copy down everything he said. Due to my low self confidence I thought there was no shot of me passing. After a week of stressing out about the results, I received my grade. I was given a stunning 95%, doing better than the skinhead history buff in my class. I did not think it was 95% worthy work, but the professor thought otherwise. This was a good start to the weekend. 

Feeling hyped up due to the unexpected A on my exam, I rushed toward the train station. In the week leading up to Malcolm’s party I was hyping it up to everyone that would give me the time of day. I would show them the list and go off on how this was a needed break. While walking off campus I ran into an acquaintance of mine. 

“Hey Kyle! What are you doing here?” She asked confused since I was leaving campus with a bag early in the morning. 

“Going home! It’s my friend's birthday so we’re getting really fucked up!” I yelled back to her, getting no response. 

This was the first time I rode the train by myself. I grew up a sheltered little shit head who had everything handed to him. Although I was legally an adult at this point, there was no chance in hell I believed that. The ride itself went fine, however a group of want to be Tik Tokers were sitting behind me and wouldn’t shut the fuck up. 

My parents planned on picking me up. They texted me to walk to the parking booth. The usual Kia they drove was nowhere in sight. I saw a slick white Mercedes which beeped. I assumed it was for someone else. The Mercedes then pulled up to the booth with my parents in it. My immediate reaction was “What the fuck? How could they possibly afford this?”

After a brief lunch with my parents, I proceeded to Malcolm’s house. I got there at 3:30 p.m and would not leave until 11:00 a.m. Sunday. I was also the first one there. The backyard was set up with chairs surrounding the firepit, a big table for refreshments, a cooler, and a grill. Various doors had written signs taped to them. “Just a normal closet” was definitely the victim of cock sucking jokes. “Do not open” was also mocked as well. 

One by one the boys started to show up. Gianni came first, since the last time I saw him he had become a full blown psychedelic pothead who made trippy artwork in his spare time. Jon came second, he had not changed a bit. Mark came next, he was pissed off about work. 

We took Jon’s car to Acme to get more resources such as wood and ice. This was the very start of the shit show. The entire grocery trip was unorganized and lasted way too long. Due to my past in Little Silver, I had many questionable relationships with different people. I chose not to talk with two specific people who worked at the Acme. While they were talking to Malcolm and the rest of the Acme employees in our squad, Gianni and I hid in the boxed goods aisle until the questionable characters left. It was at Acme that Malcolm’s anger started to show. Malcolm had the temperament of the Incredible Hulk but sevenfold. In other words, when it came to their anger, Malcolm made the Incredible Hulk look like a happy puppy. The slightest inconvenience whether it be dying in a video game or scuffing his knock off Air Jordans would send him into a twelve minute rampage. This time it was dealing with a homeschooled cashier. The employee who knew Malcolm gave us a hard time saying that we had too many items to be in the express register. Malcolm quickly snapped on the innocent soul who was only doing his job. I looked to Mark and remarked that Malcolm had become the very thing he set out to destroy. Malcolm constantly complained about the customers bitching to him because he fucked up on the register. It was obvious Malcolm turned into a bitchy customer. After his little altercation with the employee, Malcolm quickly snapped at us to get the shit and head back to the car. I saw another employee associated with the crew in the back register who noticed us. This employee was not invited to the party. I assumed Malcolm was rushing us out because of that, which turned out to not be the case. Malcolm simply didn’t want to be in Acme anymore so he was jittery with the rest of us. We then went to Wells Fargo so Malcolm could take out money. While in the car I made a funny remark to Mark and Jon that would foreshadow the rest of the night. 

“I love how this is already such a shitshow and no one is intoxicated yet. This is only going to show what the fuck is gonna happen later tonight.”

Jay came after the Acme run, he saw me and said I was funny as hell. Jay then proceeded to give me the N-word pass since he was black. Nick came next, the last time I saw him was at Malcolm’s birthday party two years before. I had known him as the friend who prank called this bitch Gretchen and roasted the shit out of her. I was aware that Malcolm’s Russian friend Lia was also coming since she was one of the plugs.

At first everything was fine, the group was setting up the backyard when Lia came with two other people. One was a man who was almost obese. Looking closer at the dude when he walked into the house, I began to recognize him. I took a deeper look and saw that it was Malcolm’s old friend Bryan. Bryan was a special person who didn’t have a lot of friends in high school. Malcolm having a soft spot in his heart befriended Bryan. Bryan used Malcolm’s dad’s credit card to buy video games. Bryan got Malcolm busted with weed when he ate an entire pot brownie. Bryan didn’t have just one peice like what was intended, he ate the entire fucking thing getting busted by his parents easily. Malcolm was grounded for around three months after that. Needless to say Bryan wasn’t a good friend to Malcolm. Since seeing Bryan at his graduation almost two years earlier, the Freshman Fifteen hit him incredibly. What was once a jacked body blew up into a pile of fat. The second person was a girl named Kate. I would soon find out that she was Malcolm’s ex. It was odd to me that Malcolm would allow his ex over since they ended on bad terms, but I let it slide. To put it bluntly the two girls were fatter than Bryan. Malcolm was known to be a connoisseur of girls on the thicker side. At first he denied it but after years of tormenting him he finally admitted that was his fetish. It was no shock to me that Malcolm had hooked up with both of these girls at different points in his past. 

It was when these people came over that Mark and Gianni hid in the game room. Mark thought that this party was going to be a regular hangout with the boys. He and Malcolm planned to chill in the game room and eat their shrooms. Malcolm and I planned for a bonfire and booze fest with the boys. I was aware that Nick and Lia were coming over. Since Malcolm didn’t have a backbone he allowed for everyone else to come over as well. The others weren’t doing anything bad so I was having a good time. It was when Malcolm’s other plug showed up with his friend that my mentality changed. These guys were shady as fuck. They came, said absolutely nothing, and were planning on calling their other friends to come over. I was going back and forth between the fire and the game room to chill with everyone. It got to the point that Mark, Gianni, and Jon were sitting in the game room pissed off. While with them I realized the situation we were about to enter. Malcolm’s dad was at a wake and was going to be home in an hour. He would walk in to find twelve people shitfaced in his house. Malcolm’s dad would be livid. He would kick all of us out and kill Malcolm. Jon was almost about to leave and avoid the situation, Mark realized he was going to be kicked out while tripped out on shrooms. Since I have dealt with throw up situations twice in a month before this I saw the signs right away. Mark was gagging and coughing. I gave him the trash can but he assured me he wasn't going to throw up. 

“Don’t worry I’m fine I’m not gonna…” Mark proceeded to throw up into the trash can. 

I briefed Malcolm on the situation which only angered him. Mark was immediately better after throwing up however. Jon brought Malcolm into the room where he and Mark tried to talk sense into him. Malcolm would not listen due to his anger problem. No matter how hard they tried he wouldn’t take in the situation. It was when I finally snapped that he started to listen, or at least Mark believed. We eventually got Malcolm to try and take care of the situation. It was then when one of the girls sparked up inside the house, reeking the place of weed. The toilet stopped working as well. Bryan proceeded to blame me since I used it last, which was not the case. Jon had his laptop set up on the table and was playing a game while all this shit was going down. When Jon left Bryan took his spot and closed the laptop. 

“Bryan, did you seriously close my laptop with hours of unsaved game play on it?” Jon asked angrily.

“Uh yea I guess I did.” Bryan responded. 

“Wow, go fuck yourself.” 

Bryan then proceeded to eat a donut and rub the residue from his fingers onto Jon’s mouse. It got to the point where we felt hopeless about the situation. Jon, Mark, Nick, Jay and I were in Malcolm’s game room, the war room rather, and realized greatly that we have each other’s backs. 

Mark and I had a rocky relationship. When he first entered the group I was heavily against it. After he got himself and our friend Chris arrested I refused to be a part of anything that involved him. No matter how hard I tried, the other boys wanted to hang out with him. I met and hung out with him a few times but we never had a personal relationship. Little to my knowledge Mark knew about my hatred towards him. By winter break I had grown to like him. During this experience we officially put our rocky relationship behind us and created a new start. 

After the retards who crashed the party drove intoxicated to 7/11 twice, one of the plugs throwing up on the way there, we eventually got them out of the house by explaining the situation. Literally five minutes after they left, Malcolm’s dad came home. He had no idea these morons were even in his house. By some miracle we pulled it off. We were fucking proud of ourselves. The remaining people who stayed over were the group. We went into the game room and watched funny videos and finished the beers saving the harder alcohol for the next day. Malcolm ate his batch of shrooms and had a horrible trip. 

There must’ve been something laced in the shrooms because everyone who tried them had a bad trip. Mark was originally vibing out, once the stress about Malcolm’s dad coming home early hit him, he threw up. Malcolm experienced an extreme state of paranoia and believed he was having a heart attack. Malcolm felt as if he was going to die. Gianni also tripped way too hard. After each of their trips, they decided to take a break from shrooms. 

The next day I woke up on the living room couch. Nick had already woken up and came downstairs. We talked for about an hour. Topics included the mayhem induced night we went through to our different high school experiences. We eventually woke the other boys up. After a morning of watching Wild N Out, we decided to go to the mall. 

Earlier that week, there were various accounts that an old asian woman was going around trying to lure girls into the sex trafficing ring known as Mother God. This did not sit well with us. Our mission was to find this woman and confront her. We planned on telling her to get the fuck out of the mall and never come back. We never found her, which was probably a good thing. The boys were really serious about confronting this woman. If we found her, there would’ve been a real altercation. We most likely would’ve been kicked out of the mall and be blamed for triggering an argument with a seemingly innocent old asian woman. Instead of ganging up on a sex trafficer, we fucked around in the mall. Being incredibly bored, we went to the furniture section of Boscov’s and planned our next move. That planning took around ten minutes, it only ended when an elderly employee came over and kicked us out of the section. We then went into the bed sheet section of the store to discuss our best move. The employees followed us into the section. 

“Excuse me boys can we help you find anything?” The employee asked us in a nice manner. However we knew what was really going on.

“Nah we are just trying to figure out what to do. We just don’t want to be in the way of everyone.” Mark replied. 

“Well you know you could do that outside the store in the public mall.” The employee said hinting for us to get out. 

“Alright this is starting to piss me off let’s get the fuck out of here.” I chimed in frustrated at the fact that these hags followed us. 

Now with nothing else at the mall and everything being closed in the area what does one do at 2:00 in the afternoon? Day drink. We went back to Malcolm’s house and drank the vodka from the night before. We had vodka lemonades while watching South Park. Eventually night came where we cracked open the Bacardi rum. It was then when another kid arrived. Colin, who I had never met before this night, came over for an hour. We finally got drunk without worrying about what shit would go down. After many vodka lemonades and rum mixed with cokes, we were turnt beyond belief. I was a different kind of drunk that night. Up at college, I was a rowdy and sometimes angry drunk. Back home with the boys I was much more laid back and a chill drunk. I came to the conclusion that it was based on my mood. At college I would most likely be pissed off about something such as getting ganged up against and picked on by everyone. When with the boys who treated me with respect, I would vibe out. With that we concluded the chaotic yet incredible weekend. 

I woke up Sunday to everyone gone. They had all left early due to work and other reasons. After helping Malcolm clean up from the two day bender, I walked home, showered up, and went back to college. While out to lunch with a few people at college, they could tell by the scruff formed and the bags on my face that I had gone through shit. Although that was the case, I was glad it happened. 

Before this weekend, I felt like complete shit. I had the feeling that no one liked me. I was the group bitch up at college, only being made fun of and used. No one would make the first contact with me. I eventually never left my dorm unless it was a necessity because there was no point otherwise. No one from home would contact me either. Fortunately that turned out to not be the case. This weekend helped me realize that these guys truly had my back through thick and thin. In this event, my relationship with Mark grew from an acquaintance with a rocky relationship to a good friend. I became friends with Nick who I only met once through Malcolm and Jay whom I had never met before this point. He had heard only good things about me, that was the same way I felt about him. The months before this party, Gianni and I had stopped talking. I felt that he never made an effort to keep in touch with me, so I stopped trying. Gianni and I buried those old wounds, agreeing that we had to keep in touch. A group chat on Snapchat was formed with the boys in order to keep in touch as well. 

Due to my personality, the people at my college had labeled me as a “boomer” because I didn’t act like or believe in the same politics as them. Instead of getting offended like they would do, I embraced it. I coined the term “Always Boomin” in response to their witty remarks. It became my version of Full Send, a battlecry. I used the term so much that over winter break some bitch I knew made me an Always Boomin’ shirt. I told the boys back home about Always Boomin’ and they immediately joined the bandwagon. A total of over one hundred times that phrase was said by us. We decided to make it our brand. We planned on making more shirts, stickers, etc. A few days after the weekend, Nick went on his radio station at Brookdale and talked about the entire experience. Ever since that weekend at Malcolm’s, the group has been tighter than ever. 


End file.
